Sunburst

Back when I worked at Deck-it, Dad and I were able to spend a lot of our days together. That time was what I call the beginning of building our "real" relationship. It's hard for me not to have remorse and regrets for how I treated him at times when I was younger. I don't believe he deserved it. But, I am so grateful for my change of heart over the years and that is what I try to hold on to. All I have now and have had for a long time, is love.

I remember one day at Deck-It, Dad told me about a dream that he had about him and I. He said that there was a brick wall between us and that I purposefully knocked it down while driving full speed backwards. I wish I could give him a hug and tell him that we did it together.

Do you remember that big, beautiful Sunburst Locust tree he planted in front of the cabin at the old house? That tree has always reminded me of him.
I wrote this for you Dad...

Long ago you had a dream.

There was a wall between us,

I broke it down.

But, it wasn't me alone,

We broke it down together.

***

A golden sunburst bloomed,

And now a giant Locust tree breathes in its place.

Splashes of yellow gold and green sway back and forth like glitter above me,

And warm my broken heart.

Only sweetness,

Only love is left to feel.

Dad, did you know,

Did you know you are my sunburst?

Did you know that you were always enough? 

I love you Dad, and miss you already.

Love, Annie

Talking To My Dad

After parking the truck in the densely packed parking lot, I walked down the long sidewalk, anxiously wanting to see you. I turned the corner and headed toward the hospital entrance. There I saw a water fountain and behind it a bench. A woman sat there alone. She was patiently watching passerby's through her big glasses, her face taking in the warmth of the Spring sunshine. Tears welled in my eyes; I instantly knew it was mom. There she sat in calmness and elegance, with both feet on the ground and hands in her lap. I knew she had been waiting for you, trying not to worry. She spent many hours on this bench. When she wasn't allowed to be with you, she would walk the long hospital hallway and make her way out here, where it was warm and peaceful...and wait.

Dear Dad,

There are so many things I hope that I get the chance to tell you before you go. I love you, Dad.

Growing up, I remember you waking me up every morning, singing to me. You would brush my forehead and bangs with your big loving hands. It would usually make my hair crazy and really static, but without a doubt I felt loved by you and felt like I was the only one in the world that mattered to you at that moment. 

I remember in the winter time when it was cold, you would build fires in the fireplace down stairs and make it so toasty warm. I loved it so much. You would warm up rocks on top of the stove and would warm my feet up by wrapping the rock up in a towel and putting it in under the blankets on my bed by my feet.  

I remember many times when I was sick with a croupy cough, but one time in particular. I was pretty young and it was winter. The protocol for this frequent occasion was that first, mom would take me in the steam filled bathroom to loosen the cough, then you would take me outside into the cool night air. That is what happened. I remember you wrapping me up in the warmest blanket possible and taking me out onto the balcony. As I looked out into the backyard that I knew so well, everything was dark, yet wintry white and peaceful. I didn't feel afraid because I knew that you had me. You talked to me and told me to breathe. You showed me the stars and probably told me a stories about our "Pinky and Blacky", my favorite. My breathing got easier after a bit. I was safe with you and I loved you.

Gifts and Red Lobster

The morning of my birthday I awoke to several notes from the kids. They mean so much to me. Deacon also made me these Spider-Man glasses which I am modeling.

 For dinner we went to Red Lobster as a family. I love that place.

 A chocolate cake for dessert, of course.

I'm Forty

In Preparation For My Birthday

When my mom asked for a recent picture of me for my birthday coming up, I realized that they were really sparse. It makes sense, I am usually the one behind the camera...

In fact, when I really thought about it, it had been a while since I had been involved in a dress up "occasion" like the kids and I used to do...I really miss that. I'm not going to lie, for a while I felt sad that I hadn't taken the time with them, at least being on the other end of the camera with them once in a while. When I mentioned it to the girls and told them that I couldn't find a recent picture besides a stupid duck face, they were all over the idea of dressing me up that very night. For my birthday.

I asked for a cool bird eye like Skipper did to Lucy a couple months ago, I thought it looked so cool. And for my short hair...I mentioned braids and that crazy hair was best. I could never make myself be serious all the time. Laughing is just way too fun. I ended up giving my mom a few pictures from a couple years ago and also this picture below.

I will be turning forty in a couple days. In case you were wondering, that's 280 in dog years.

Forty years old is monumental, right?...I may be getting older and hopefully wiser, but I definitely hope I will always hold on to my goofiness.

For Me On Mother's Day

 Dae knows my favorite thing is this chocolate. It is expensive and you can only get it in Salt Lake and recently we found it is at Harmons. So...

From Deacon (When Deac gave this to me he got really nervous eyes and said, "You're not going to ask for all of them in one day are you?"

It was pretty funny.

Museum of Natural Curiosity

Deac and I went on a field trip together today with his 3rd grade, to Thanksgiving Point's Museum of Natural Curiosity. I had never been there before, he had. It was a great time and I'm glad I went with him. As tradition has it we had to do crazy selfies together on the bus ride. Here we are...

Last Warm Days of the Year

The kids and I were outside making Christmas tree snowflakes. I remember telling them to remember how warm it was on this day because things were going to change quick. It felt so nice.

 Laying outside trying to soak up some vitamin D and some solar love. This picture of me was taken against my will by Kandus. She snuck up on me and was laughing at me and sent this picture to dad. Yes, I do have fabric circles on my eyes. I am not ashamed. Nothing worse than sunglass lines.

While The Girls Were Away

I don't know if you heard, but the girls went to the state of Indiana with grandma LuJean, grandpa Bart, and their cousin Amie Jo, to visit their other cousin Emily. They took off 2 days ago and have been having a blast.

I'm sure when they get home they will write all about their adventures there. Here is some of what we have been up to at home without them and during fall break.

A hair cut.

Disc golf with dad.

Beautiful Art Dye park in the fall.

 And eating Thai food!

The 3 Of Us Here

Deac, Jack, and I are home alone while the rest of the family is far away, across the states. 

(The 3 of us in a selfie, sent to our family.)

Mom's A Clown Too

The kids on roller blades...

And me with the kids being a clown.

Solitude Day With Dae

The kids have gone back to school, so Dae and I made a day together and it was amazing. We went to lunch and then up to Solitude. I have needed a day like today for quite a while. It is the first day since my surgery that I have really gotten out to get some real exercise and it was so beautiful up there. It was so hard hiking up the mountain trail but I did it, although very slowly.

Taking pictures of his form. This is very serious business.

Surgery Day

Dae and I went in to the hospital on June 29th, around 5am. I was all dressed and waiting in my hospital gown, IV intact, when I mentioned that I might have to reconsider to the anesthesiologist. I was joking(kind of); he told me I had about 10 seconds to decide. When I woke up drugged and out of it, I was immediately wheeled into a room where Dae was waiting for me. I remember seeing his smile and his loving eyes.

During the time that I was alone and bored, I texted some pictures to my family of me eating a salad, just to show them I was fine. Then I called them on the phone; It was then that I found out that the kids(mostly Skipper) were questioning whether I was drunken/drugged, and that maybe I had no idea what I was doing. I guess I sounded insane. Shouldn't that should be normal to them by now? Ha!

So glad I had this hysterectomy done. It was needed. And it's over.

Me(crazy)

A Day For Both Of Us

It's happened again. Where father's day falls on my birthday. Dae and I woke up this morning to notes and signs all over the house for us, made by the kids. It was awesome.

Thanks guys, I love you.

Birthday At Eva's

For my birthday on father's day, we went up to see the chalk art festival at the Gateway in Salt Lake again, just like last year. Only this time we drove. We also went out to lunch at Eva's Bakery, in the downtown area. It was so delicious and different. I wish we had places like this in Utah county so bad. That is one thing I would move up here for...better restaurants.  

At Eva's waiting for our sandwiches, mocha's, and French pastries.

Doesn't this look amazing? It tastes even better.

This was the biggest art display. It was really cool because it looked different from every angle you were standing at. Like 3-D. I don't know how they did it.

Another very in-depth art piece.

 To my family...today was so fun. I loved every minute of it with you guys. I love you.